Rule the School by Vordak T. Incomprehensible

Author:Vordak T. Incomprehensible
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: eBook ISBN: 9781606842805
Publisher: EgmontUSA
Published: 2011-09-27T04:00:00+00:00

If I was to defeat Lurchburger and win the class presidency, I had to begin in earnest. So many Evil Plans, so little time! I was going to need some help, so I invited my four closest and most trusted classmates over on Sunday to discuss positions on my election campaign staff.

I MUST TELL YOU, MYRON H., THAT I PREFER TO CALL PEOPLE BY THEIR LAST NAMES. THIS ALLOWS ME TO AVOID DEVELOPING ANY PERSONAL CONNECTIONS WITH IGNORAMUSES THAT I AM VASTLY SUPERIOR TO. WHAT DOES THE H STAND FOR?

NOTHING.

WELL, IT CAN’T STAND FOR NOTHING. YOUR LAST NAME CERTAINLY ISN’T H.

ACTUALLY, IT’S PRONOUNCED “H-PERIOD.”

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR NAME IS MYRON H-PERIOD? WHY, THAT’S PREPOSTEROUS!

IT USED TO BE HREBOWNIFLAPISTANEWICZ, BUT MY MOM COULDN’T FIT IT ON MY UNDERWEAR WAISTBANDS.

YOUR MOM LEGALLY CHANGED YOUR NAME BECAUSE IT WAS TOO LONG FOR YOUR UNDERWEAR?

I HAVE A SANDWICH BAG FILLED WITH CARROT STICKS IN MY BACKPACK.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH IT?

NOTHING. I JUST WANTED TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

H-Period had already proven to excel at nametag creation, and his position as president of the Color Copier Club would be a big help with poster production. I made him my Minion in Charge of Promotion.

Fara Farkesh, as it turns out, is the smartest student in the entire school. Aside from me. She doesn’t get the best grades, but that’s mostly because her dental apparatus tends to ruin her schoolwork.

ITSH SHO NISHE TO SHEE YOU AGAIN, VORDAK! I’M SHUPER SHTOKED TO ASHISHT YOU. I CAN SHINK OF SHIX OR SHEVEN SHINGSH TO—

ALL RIGHT, JUST STOP, ALREADY!

SHTOP?

YESH! I MEAN YES! I HAVE NEED OF YOUR TALENTS, BUT YOUR SPITTLE-SPEWING SPEECH IS BEGINNING TO RUST MY HELMET. FROM NOW ON, YOU MUST AVOID USING THE LETTER S WHEN SPEAKING TO ME.

LET ME SHINK THAT SHROUGH. I’M OK WISH IT IF YOU SHINK IT WILL HELP.

ACK! NO TH’S, EITHER!

VERY WELL. I’LL TRY. WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? I’M A REALLY GOOD WRITER AND I LOVE TO READ AND I CAN DRAW A LITTLE BIT AND I BAKE A MEAN OATMEAL COOKIE AND I PLAY WONDERFUL TROMBONE AND I’M A DEBATE CLUB MEMBER AND I PLAY VOLLEYBALL AND I—

STOP! I THOUGHT YOU COULD HELP WRITE MY SPEECH.

OKAY. YEAH. UH-HUH. I’D BE DELIGHTED TO. IT WOULD BE AN HONOR. CAN’T WAIT TO GET GOING. I’LL GET RIGHT ON IT. I WANT TO—

GREAT GASSY GOBLINS …

It appeared as though I had stemmed the flow of Farkesh’s saliva, if not her words. That left the Sminion brothers, Big Vince and Little Vince. I didn’t get the feeling the Vinces’ parents were the sharpest needles in the laboratory, if you catch my drift.

BIG VINCE, I AM ALLOWING YOU AND YOUR BROTHER THE GREAT PRIVILEGE TO SERVE AS MY SECURITY WHEN I’M AT SCHOOL.

I’M LITTLE VINCE.

BUT YOU’RE BIGGER THAN YOUR BROTHER.

OLDER, TOO.

ACK! THEN WHY IS BIG VINCE YOUR BROTHER?

BECAUSE WE HAVE THE SAME PARENTS. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW THAT WORKS?

OF COURSE I KNOW HOW IT WORKS! WHY DID YOUR PARENTS NAME YOU BOTH VINCE?!

IT WAS THEIR FAVORITE NAME.

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